Sex vs. Making Love - The Battle of Hook Up Culture

So I saw this post on my tumblr:

“It’s simple to have sex. People do it regularly. In cars, in apartments, back alleys, drunk, sober, high, it’s easy to just take your clothes off and have sex with the person standing next to you. Making love however, is more than that. It’s opening yourself up to someone. It’s standing in front of them, as they peel away all your layers and you’re asking them if they’ll have you and keep you safe. Think of yourself as an envelope, you’re sealed most the time, so whose important enough to read the letter inside? Because that letter is full of your thoughts, fears and dreams. That’s what being naked really is. That’s what it feels like to be exposed. Don’t just give that away. Wait for the person whose going to read that letter, and never want to stop reading it.”

And I could not agree with this more than I do right at this moment.

Maybe it's because hookup culture disgusts me. 
Maybe it's not my thing.
Maybe it's because I'm a hopeless romantic.

Whatever the reason is to why I agree with this statement I found on the ever popular, Tumblr, it rings true for me and I'm finding it really hard for anyone to feel the same way about it. I see a lot of people my age hooking up and being fine that they will probably never speak to that person again for what ever reason they may have, but i just sit back and ask myself, 'how?'.

Just having sex with a stranger, or a person you met online puts anyone in a pretty vulnerable situation. The foundation of it is, you're naked in front of someone who doesn't know you and you don't know them. That's the area where I'm like... I kind of want to know who I'm taking my shirt off for. BUT I TOTALLY GET WHY PEOPLE DO IT. People have a rush sensation of sharing an intimate moment with a stranger. That's just not my cup of tea. 

Then there's the whole friends with benefits. I don't go kissing my my friends or frolic in their bedrooms naked with them, male or female, despite what people might think. YES, I understand that THIS situation calls for a person that you have come to know over time and care and respect on some level, but it's not love you're expressing when you're having sex with your friend, it's just satisfying a pleasure that all of us crave. BUT...

THIS IS WHERE MY PROBLEM WITH HOOKING UP COMES INTO PLAY. When you have sex with anyone, stranger, friend, significant other, chemicals are released in your brain to the body telling you that it feels good, and in reaction the new chemicals in your brain are released, feeling attachment and love towards the other person, because they are making you feel good. But when you can't call or see the person who made you feel good, because the societal rules of hooking up say you can't or you have to wait because you don't want to seem needy or clingy, you become sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, and/or anxious.  

These chemicals that nobody has any control over travel through anyone who has sex. This is how feelings develop and how hearts get broken in hook up culture. In this culture, people can't communicate freely, the way they want. 

THIS IS WHY I AM SO FRUSTRATED. I like going with what I feel, I've learned that in theatre school; follow impulses, listen to my gut. So when someone I like is around or takes me on a date or maybe even kisses me, these chemicals start releasing their way throughout my system and I want to spend time with this person because they make me feel good. Then my emotions start kicking in and I want to communicate to them how much like them and I want to spend my time with them... BUT I CAN'T. 

Some people who hook up with others are use to satisfying their pleasurable cravings and then being let down, it's an easy roller coaster ride for them. Some are cool about it and don't care most of the time so it's just a walk through the park. But there are some people out there who don't see it as a walk through the park or even as a simple roller coaster, it's a terrifying plane ride where the pilot is no where on board the flight. 

Hook up culture has created a huge stigma towards sharing feelings with one another. It was already unnerving to let someone know that you liked them before sex was even part of the equation, because even if your are not having sex with the person you like, it is always part of the equation; it's expected, assumed, anticipated, wondered, etc. But because it is and people can be more physically intimate with one another during these modern days, more chemicals are running through everyone's body and everyone is getting annoyed, frustrated, sad, etc.

Now some people love this culture; great! keep doing what you're doing, but just be aware that what you're doing is causing people to become frustrated. I'm in no way trying to condemn the actions of people, I'm simply just stating what I get from this hook up culture.

But for people like me who are having these chemicals running rampant, they're affecting gut decisions and impulses. There is nothing more relieving than communicating feelings that have built up over time. It's relieving just communicating what each individual wants, and actually being honest about what it is each wants... because its a waste of time and doesn't serve a purpose if someone just says what they think the other person wants to hear, or worse, trying to convince oneself to do something they don't want. 

I think what modern technology has done to sex is wonderful. It's liberated women's sexuality and made sex safe for people around with world with contraceptives galore. But I'm not speaking on that.

Why I say 'HOLLA' to that comment I found on Tumblr is because sex at its base line is boring, its either just to procreate or to satisfy ones primal need to get off. But when you add the affected gut impulses and emotion to sex it becomes exciting and scary and wonderful. It's also not selfish anymore, its about the other person too. You can't just give your enveloped self for a stranger to open or a friend to peruse, it's just lame. 

I like letting my heart go and saying what I feel, even though half the time I am hesitant and scared about the outcome, I do it anyway. And even though I'll think about what I had just done months later, I don't regret what these chemicals in my body made me do. 

I don't like locking up feelings and what I have to say to please people or worrying that I'm letting an opportunity pass me by. I want someone that I admire, that I'm attracted to, to open my letter and in return open theirs.

Again, maybe it's because hookup culture disgusts me. 
Maybe it's not my thing.
Maybe it's because I'm a hopeless romantic.

But in my world, what I'm going to do is wait for the person who wants to read my letter and who never wants to stop reading it. And it's ok for other people who want that too. Hook up culture is definitely not for everyone. 

With (whole hearted, true emotion, not hiding it) love,

Lisa Alves

Check out my tumblr ---> http://laalvezz.tumblr.com/

The Great Anticipation for Gatsby

I am so excited for the 2013 premier of Baz Luhrmann's The Great Gatsby starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Carey Mulligan and Tobey McGuire.

Here's the trailer - Gatsby Trailer

I love the book, even though I don't call myself a Gatsby Lover Fan Girl. I appreciate the heart wrenching story of Gatsby and Daisy. I am also enthralled by the lavish parties that are told in the story; they seem top notch classy!

I had a couple of concerns when I first heard that this film was in production. My number one worry was Baz Luhrmann himself... or more specifically his directing approach. Two years ago I really did not like his movies. Romeo and Juliette didn't make my heart weep, Moulin Rouge! made me roll my eyes, and I fell asleep through Australia. From those observations, I thought Baz Luhrmann was a cheap director (and I don't mean pinching pennies cheap). What I mean and what I thought was, he didn't understand the stories he was telling. I felt they were all over the place and out of touch with humanity. I mean in his past three prominent movies they all started farcical and ended the story in such a melodramatic way that it made my eyes roll. At the age of 15, I thought I knew how stories were to be told and I was certain that Baz Luhrmann had it all wrong.

UNTIL my very good friend Jessica Goddard went through her obsession with Ewan McGregor. She watched every movie of his and found all his sexy quilt pictures. When we discussed Moulin Rouge, being the open minded Libra that I am, I decided to give Moulin Rouge! one more shot. I kept in mind that Baz Luhrmann had a different approach, but I also followed the story, score and characters in detail.

After my viewing the film on my last attempt to understand where this director was coming from, I FINALLY GOT IT! Baz Luhrmann's films are not like Scorsese's, Spielberg's, Eastwood's, Lynch's, Polanski's (even though I know they are all very different, they are also all different from Luhrmann). Luhrmann isn't even on the AMC's top 50 directors list. But I feel he falls under all those classic film directors and directors that take the theatrics, music and details very seriously.

What I found after watching Moulin Rouge!, Luhrmann seems to be a director that hones in on the classic reason why film is made; to entertain. That's why music and theatre really hit it big at the turn of the century a hundred years back. People have always wanted to escape in the culture of the arts to be entertained, to realize something they might have or have not before, to revisit the times when they've smiled or cried, to follow a character's journey.

I've found a fond admiration towards Baz Luhrmann because he has brought a type of theatre to film. He has also has a keen ear for music and the story it can tell, by itself or woven within the movie. So I can definitely say I have found major respect to this director. My concern has flown out the window.

Check out this interview he had with Florence Welch in Interview - Baz and Florence

My one other concern was ... I hate to say it... Leonardo DiCaprio himself. Don't get me wrong, I've loved him in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?, The Basketball Diaries, Aviator and of course Titanic. But I find that in the majority of the roles he plays, it has always been Leonardo DiCaprio, not J. Edgar, not Frank Abagnale Jr., not Cobb. That's not to say he's a horrible actor, he is a very fine and crafted one. The thing is that he is recognizable, which is a good and bad thing. And when it comes to Gatsby, I'm nervous.

When I read The Great Gatsby I found myself forming a character that resembled Jude Law. Now give that a second if you know the story... now put Jude Law as Gatsby... It makes a lot of sense. SO MUCH.

BUT we have Leonardo DiCaprio as our Gatsby. I do like him and I hope he does a knock out job. I will keep an open mind when I watch the movie... I am just voicing my concern.

AND HEY! I changed my heart for Baz Luhrmann, it can happen again for Leo as Gatsby in my head.

What I am REALLY EXCITED about is Ms. Carey Mulligan as Daisy. To me, I think she's perfection and she is going to bring so much to the character of Daisy. When I ventured in the novel with my fellow peers, many people dislike Daisy and thought she was evil and vile and just a down right wrenched woman. But I found myself sympathizing for her and rooting for her because she's such a complexed character, just like Gatsby, and I think she's over looked. That being said, I hope and I do have a very good feeling that Carey Mulligan will bring a warmth and touch of humanity to the role of a not liked character.

I am also very excited to see what the rest of the cast has up their sleeves including Tobey Maguire, Joel Edgerton, and Isla Fisher. I feel like there is a great crew behind this production and its going to fly.

The last thing I want to mention is the soundtrack this movie has. Jay-Z, The XX, Gotye, Beyonce, Jack White, and Lana Del Ray have all collaborated with Luhrmann and Craig Armsrong to create a beautiful framework for the the story. AND DID I MENTION THAT FLORENCE WELSH ALSO WROTE A SONG THAT IS UNBELIEVABLY PERFECT FOR THE STORY? I think I'm more excited about Florence's Over the Love Song then the actual film... But you have to watch this to understand why - Great Music is Timeless

After a very long awaited premier, I shall be viewing this much anticipated film tomorrow with my friends as we sob and laugh and be the fan girls we tend to be. 

I'll post my thoughts of what I thought of the movie after in some form. 

I hope to hear from you what you think pre and post movie!

With love,

Lisa Alves